Change of perspective

This last week has been extremely difficult for me emotionally. I'm not gonna lie, it's probably been one of the most difficult times in my life. I have been frustrated, angry, irritable and just plain mean. I actually feel very sorry for a few nurses that have had to deal with me.

Last Wednesday we had a biopsy done of Ethan's leg. Still no answers. He still is having trouble eating solid foods. We had been told that he would be discharged last Monday but that was changed on Sunday. We are hopeful that he will finally get to come home either tomorrow or Thursday. We found out today that Ethan has very bad acid reflux which explains the vomiting. They have him on medication for the reflux and he was able to hold down some food today. He will have another test tomorrow morning to check his esophagus to make sure that nothing was damaged with all the tubes they've put through it. If everything looks good we may be released in the evening.

I digress, so as I mentioned I've been pretty much a miserable person the last week and I've been getting extremely impatient about going home. Last night I came back to the Ronald McDonald House and saw Sylvia (one of the employees here) put out a rose and a paper that read that one of the families staying here lost their child. Then on Facebook another HLHS baby had also passed away. I can only imagine the pain that these families are going through. Its strange to me that a year ago death only happened to the elderly and now suddenly its all around me and part of my reality. I no longer feel invincible and have anxiety about death and losing my loved ones.

These events, however, gave me a new perspective on how I should be grateful that going home is even a consideration. Today I kept that on my mind all day and I had a much better day. I made a conscience effort to be grateful, to say thank you and to just be nice. Ethan and I chatted it up with the nurses, parents and other patients today. It was good for my soul.

So until Ethan gets discharged I will choose to have a positive attitude and be grateful for what I do have. I will be the person that I would want to be around and know and not the crazy mean person I had become the past week.

Hopefully the next post will be the news that we are home. Till then I thank you again for your prayers and continued support.